First issue:

when i click login first the url is http://www.liveonlinedemo.com/Default.aspx?tabid=36&ctl=Login&returnurl=%2fDefault.aspx , which is accepted. If I then click login again, the new url is http://www.liveonlinedemo.com/Default.aspx?tabid=36&ctl=Login&returnurl=%2fDefault.aspx%3ftabid%3d36%26ctl%3dLogin%26returnurl%3d%252fDefault.aspx which immeadiately throws this error

Error Code: 500 Internal Server Error. The request was rejected by the HTTP filter. Contact your ISA Server administrator. (12217)

My portal alias' are set in this order:
10.8.3.x
http://www.liveonlinedemo.com

I have gone into SQL and changed the order in the portal alias table.
The sitemap relfects the FQDN instead of the internal address, but I have the same issue when hitting "update" in admin and host settings.
Keep in mind, I do not have this issue doing exactly the same thing when I use 4.5.1.
If yould like, I can go change the order of the alias for your viewing?
I do not use host headers, and never have. My server is multihomed and I have an IP address for each site. It has worked fine with earlier versions of DNN. Is there a chance that newer versions of DNN require host headers?
I am  confused why with DNN 4.5.1 it works. And when I use newer versions it no longer works. That would tell me that my configuration for DNS, ISA rules are not the problem (unless something has changed with DNN 4.6+ which would require me to change my methods).
I really appreciate everyones help.