Even though nobody responded I figured I'd follow-up so anybody else with the same problem can benefit.

So Google Mini (in our setup) is a no-go.  It just won't cut the cheese so to speak.  That leaves Microsoft Search Server 2008 and WrenSoft Zoom since OpenSearch "worked" but had awful results (not to mention it totally nuked the server while indexing).

I managed to get WrenSoft to work by logging in to our portal manually in IE and then saving the authentication ("Remember Me").  Next, I had to leave the browser Window open and then go back into WrenSoft, tell it to use my manual login page and also to use the cookies from IE and my computer.  With that setup, I was able to get Zoom to index our portal.  Worked just fine, but a manual process and a pain in the bum.  Search results were better than OpenSearch but still not perfect.  Still, it is nice being able to add things into the HTML on the site and have it flat out skip it in the indexer (ie, have it skip the whole menu).

What I was pleased to get working was Search Express.  I ended up writing my own ultra basic login module and slapping it on a page with no skin.  I'm unsure if the regular login module would work since everytime I tried it through the Search Express authentication form DNN would crash (pretty sure it has to do with something "missing" when using that control).  Next I set up a rule in Search Express and told it to use forms Authentication, pointed it to the URL containing my ultra basic module, and then proceeded to set the credentials.  The key here is that when it successfully logs in you have to wait for it to close the Window for you (up to 30 seconds).  *DO NOT CLOSE THE WINDOW YOURSELF*.  That is what killed me... I was closing it myself assuming that was what I needed to do and it wouldn't ever set the creds for me.  Doh!

That's pretty much it in a nutshell.  Additionally it is VERY helpful to use URLMaster.  It cleans up the URLs and makes them much more SEO-friendly.

The Search Express is sweet though because now I can create my own skin object for the search, plug it to a module, and then use a web-service to populate the search on our DNN portal.  We could use the Search Express search page itself and reskin it to look like the portal, but frankly the webservice way will be much more effective.  Woot!