Poor design choices and catastrophic backup corruption aside, I have put 2 years worth of extremely hard work into this blog and I don't want to toss it aside so I have no choice but to fix what I have now. So let's look at what we have at the moment:

1) No errors were thrown during the install
2) According to the EventLog table, the user logs in just fine. It's whatever script is run AFTER the user is validated that error out. In looking at the UpdateUser stored procedure, I see no difference between it and the table structure of a clean DNN 7.01 installation. Whatever it is, the stuff that says "hey, this person is an admin" isn't getting run so I can't get to any stuff beyond what a normal user would see. This is the same regardless of whether or not it's a host, admin or user account.
3) New accounts can be registered just fine.
4) I get the same exact error when I try to reset a password as well.
5) In running a db compare tool between the current borked site and a clean install, the only differences it shows are where I have installed a couple of modules (one being a blog module that works just fine on the clean install) so it would appear that the db has updated just fine.
6) I have moved the dll's from the clean install over to the borked install and there was no change in the functionality.

you may rerun SQL scripts manually from Host > SQL or -after replacing {databaseOwner} and {objectQualifier} tobens - in SQL Server Management Studio, please make sure to apply it in proper order (ascending version numbers from previous version +1 to current version.

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Cheers from Germany,
Sebastian Leupold

   

Speed up your DNN Websites with TurboDNN

 

DING DING DING! Ted, you win the internet! That fixed it, good sir! I swear my allegiance to you! 

All hail Ted! Fixer of the problems! Thank you thank you thank you!

Also, thank you so much everyone for sticking through this and helping me out!