Seems like you should find yourself a new hosting provider...
Copying the relevant data from the old web.config into the new one is a matter of a minute or so. Unless your hosting provider added a zillion custom keys there, it's really only the connection strings (twice), the machine keys and the database owner and object qualifier: 4 times copy-and-paste, that's it. Once that's done, all you really need is unzip the DNN install files over the existing files, and browse to your site in the browser. The update scripts will start automatically.
I've done numerous upgrades, and usually they take me about 10 minutes each (and that includes making a backup of the database as well as of the "portals" folder, just in case), and only once had problems.
Besides, it's not really necessary to make an update every time one is released. I know there are some who advocate that you should make every single update there is, but unless you want or need the new features or unless an update fixes a problem you're having with your current version, you may well follow the old rule of, never change a running system. Also, I've found that very often the first release of a new version (x.x.0) contains a lot of problems, and it's generally safer to wait for the next release. Following the forum also helps, since this shows you if there are any major issues you might have to expect when you perform the update.
As to the Sitemap problem: the sitemap should only show those pages that are visible to everybody, including people who are not logged in. Pages that require login don't show up on the sitemap unless you really are logged in as well, and Google can't find those pages since Google is not a registered user of your website.
Vera